visit tracker on tumblr
tender prince
Text

The serums amplified Steve & Bucky’s feelings for each other

kryptaria:

shanology:

image

Dr. Erskine:

“The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse.”

I’ve been thinking about this fantastic post that discusses the scientific effects of the super-soldier serum on Steve Rogers’s brain.  It’s based on info from the Avengers exhibit in Times Square, and what it concludes is that after the serum, “Steve just feels more.” Because of the changes to his amygdala, everything Steve felt would have been amplified – joy, pain, loyalty, all of it. What this made me realize is:

The serum would have increased everything Steve felt for Bucky.

Whether you ship the idea of a romantic connection between those two or not, Steve loved Bucky. Bucky was his person, 100%, ‘til the end of the line. They’d spent most of a lifetime developing love and loyalty and friendship. Steve might have had some hero worship going on, because Bucky was everything he wanted to be: strong, able to fight for the little guys, charming, loyal. But once he got hit with Erskine’s serum, everything – every one of those feelings – would have been amped up, magnified. If Bucky was his person before the serum, afterwards, Bucky would have been everything. This is why Steve was willing to risk his life, to disobey orders, to hop in a Jeep and go chasing across Europe by himself to rescue the man. There was never a possibility he could do otherwise, because every bit of love he’d built up over a lifetime was driving him forward.

The serum amplified all of Steve’s feelings, and his love and loyalty for Bucky would have become absolute devotion.

image

image

But Bucky got Zola’s version.

Whatever Zola did to Bucky before Steve rescued him, it was already acting upon him in fundamental ways – otherwise, there’s no way Bucky could have survived the fall from the train. But what if Zola’s version tended to increase the negative feelings more? I feel like we see some of this in the bar scene, when Bucky complains, “I’m invisible.” Sure, he’s joking, but he’s being pretty hurtful and taunting about how Steve had been treated in the past.

Maybe Bucky had always been a little envious of Steve, envious of the goodness he saw in Steve that he believed he, himself, didn’t possess. And now Steve has all of that inner perfection but has the outer shell to match; he’s caught up to Bucky in the one area where Bucky ever believed he had even the slightest advantage over Steve. And Bucky’s slight twinge of envy becomes a hot streak of jealousy.

Maybe Bucky isn’t feeling jealous, but possessive. Steve has always been his, exclusively – Bucky’s the only one who ever recognized his value. To Bucky, Steve was like that secret spot you find where you can sit and watch the sunrise in perfect isolation; only suddenly the rest of the world has discovered his secret place. With his feelings amplified, Peggy’s interest in Steve might have hit Bucky like a physical blow, because he’s being forced to share his Steve with everyone, just when he desperately needs him the most. And all Bucky can do is lash out – at Steve, who brought this on by taking the serum.

image

Or maybe, Bucky is truly angry. Because he’s just been through hell and he’s nowhere near recovered – look at the disheveled uniform, and the fact that he’s sitting alone tossing back drinks while the rest of the Commandos party and sing in the other room. He’s survived torture, and then Captain America sits down and asks him to rejoin the fight. And because of the serum…he can’t say no. His love and loyalty for Steve have always been stronger than fear; he’d take on any challenge to protect Steve. Now, even though the fear has been increased, so have the other feelings. Maybe, with the serum running through his veins, he literally can’t say no. Maybe he tries - his first response is “Hell no,” but he can’t stick with that, because he has to protect Steve. So maybe Bucky is angry – that he can’t make himself walk away – and hurt, that Steve even asked this of him. And all he can do in that moment is try to hurt Steve, too.

But what if it’s not a negative feeling being amped up? Maybe (hello, Stucky shippers!) what we’re seeing is Bucky’s reaction to all the love he feels for Steve being amplified out of control. Because Bucky has always tucked those feelings away; buried anything but brotherly affection, not about to taint Steve with feelings that Bucky has decided are dark and wicked. With the serum, he can’t deny it anymore, can’t hide from what he feels, what he wants. He tries drinking, and it’s not enough. Maybe he’s afraid he’s given himself away, by telling Steve he’ll follow him anywhere. So he tries flirting with Peggy, but it fails, because even she can see how magnificent Steve is, and Bucky’s heart wasn’t really in it anyways. Then Bucky does the only thing that makes sense to him – he tries to be mean, to push Steve away before Steve figures out that Bucky wants so much more from him than he ought to.

 image

It’s heartbreaking to think of Steve and Bucky’s feelings for each other being amplified by the serums they’ve been given.

Because it just makes it that much more painful that Steve has to watch Bucky fall. That Bucky falls knowing he won’t be able to protect Steve any longer. That all of their feelings for each other – love and loyalty and respect and devotion – have been increased, and their ability to feel anguish and loss has increased right along with it. The serums made Steve and Bucky more fully themselves, amplified everything that made them who they were – and at the core, what made these two was each other.

Now this is interesting.

(via steventhealmighty)

Text

i found out i didn’t get paid on monday for some unknown reason and so i had to spend rent money to get my computer back

this led to overwhelming panic and meltdown crying on the bus and then i was in town and i got a burger in mcdonalds it was very busy even though i wanted to clear my path with a flamethrower i did it anyway

then i found a quiet corner in the shade to eat and i started to feel better and then some people sat near me and i just stared at the floor til they left and then a man tried to come and sit next to me and i growled until he left

which was weird but good it was a very instinct out of body reaction??

follow for more fun stories of being mad in public

Tags: personal bpd
Photo
momdiggity:

i thought that was jane lynch

momdiggity:

i thought that was jane lynch

Photo
incendavery:

ANGRY MUSIC FOR ANGRY QUEERS

I. ANTHEM - PANSY DIVISION // II. GIA - FABULOUS DISASTER // III. GAY RUDE BOYS UNITE - LEFTOVER CRACK // IV. DON’T CALL ME FABULOUS - HUNX + HIS PUNX // V. LESS TALK, MORE ROCK - PROPAGHANDI // VI. I LOVE HARDCORE BOYS / I LOVE BOYS HARDCORE - LIMP WRIST // VII. REBEL GIRL - BIKINI KILL // VIII. TRANSGENDER DYSPHORIA BLUES - AGAINST ME!

LISTEN 

incendavery:

ANGRY MUSIC FOR ANGRY QUEERS

I. ANTHEM - PANSY DIVISION // II. GIA - FABULOUS DISASTER // III. GAY RUDE BOYS UNITE - LEFTOVER CRACK // IV. DON’T CALL ME FABULOUS - HUNX + HIS PUNX // V. LESS TALK, MORE ROCK - PROPAGHANDI // VI. I LOVE HARDCORE BOYS / I LOVE BOYS HARDCORE - LIMP WRIST // VII. REBEL GIRL - BIKINI KILL // VIII. TRANSGENDER DYSPHORIA BLUES - AGAINST ME!

LISTEN 

(via pisstheft)

Tags: music
Text

auflauflove:

"What about the but?"

"Yea, I want the but"

"But how deep do you want the but?"

"As deep as it was before… go slowly and I’ll let you know. We can check in"

Listening to tablespanners give cherforqueen a stick n poke is an interesting experience.

Tags: about me
Photo
i feel cute today

i feel cute today

Tags: me
Text

savingprivatehale:

imagine bucky recovering his memories and one day, after a mission, they’re all in the stark tower having breakfast and all the avengers are around kind of minding their own business, tony is chatting with bruce about some science stuff, pepper is on the phone and clint is silently drinking his coffee while natasha reads the paper, thor is trying to find the channel where they were showing a documentary about kittens two minutes ago and steve is eating his eggs with sam and bucky is just there duckfacing his way through breakfast when he suddenly looks up at steve and asks “did you ever suck my dick? cos i remember my dick being sucked by you” and the next thing they hear is clint’s mug hitting the floor

(via deaf-cecil)

Tags: mcu
Photo
Did this last night. Fancy Q for a fancy queer

Did this last night. Fancy Q for a fancy queer

Quote
"My sole purpose of writing music, my sole intention initially, is just to make Sara say, "Yes, this is something original and new and I like it." That is solely why I do it. You know, beyond just trying to expel this emotion that I have inside of me, but like, I just want Sara to like it. If Sara likes it, she is my biggest critic, and if she likes it, then it’s real, then she felt it, it’s genuine and we can put it on the CD."

— Tegan Quin (X)

(Source: sayatheblakat, via quinthrob)

Photoset

amuseoffyre:

saathi1013:

virginiagentlenerd:

1. Steve Rogers is not just some dumb soldier who follows orders, he thinks outside the box and asks questions and considers consequences.

2. Peggy Carter had plans to eat that boy alive before he became a delicious roast beefcake in Howard Stark’s hottie machine. 

3. I don’t understand people who didn’t enjoy this movie. 

LAUGHING FOREVER AT #2 BECAUSE PERFECTION

Roast beefcake is just added bonus:

image

the last gif tho she’s like ‘touch the boop no don’t touch the boop’

(Source: sphieturner, via aryadark)