i’ve been thinking about how some day at some point people will look at me and say ‘he’ and ‘him’ and they will be right and that is very disarming to me
people who call me ‘he’ now do so because they have asked or have been told my pronouns and they do so as a base level of respect to me and to my gender. people who call me ‘she’ are being disrespectful and inconsiderate in assuming my gender based on my appearance
misgendering hurts all on its own but it also hurts because it is a non-consensual assumption about an important & considered aspect of myself. that gross assumption will remain even when my appearance leads to people using my right pronouns.
as much as i do not want people to misgender me i do not want people to gender me correctly because of ‘passing’ and cisness and harmful assumptions about what certain genders look like.
destroy the idea that you can tell a person’s pronouns from their appearance
if you identify as cis but haven’t actually taken time to sit down and examine and analyze your gender identity, it’s probably time to do that otherwise you’ve just given in to society forcing a significant part of your identity upon you.
if someones comfortable with their gender identity to the point that its not even on their mind then theres no need for them to analyse it
as someone who basically identifies as cis i think it’s very much important to examine your gender identity. it might lead to small things: e.g. after i did that i stopped shaving because i realized that i wasn’t doing it for myself. further, i’ve stopped seeing my own face as a gendered thing and this makes it easier for me to be respectful of the identities of others, and easier to be happy with the meatsack i live in. i think that it’s very important for cis people to consider what aspects of gendered existence we hold sacred. peeing in a segregated space? if so, why? i mean this is exactly the kind of question trans communities have been trying to get us to deal with forever and i think that answering it on a cultural level will come with exactly the type of introspection that OP is asking for.
some of the best advice i’ve got in college so far is “make strange what is comfortable” and hey, after you take it apart, you can put it right back together again if that’s what makes you happy but it’s still important to evaluate why you perform your gender the way you do and what rituals are essential to that? why are they essential? are they worth perpetuating? the answer might not always be yes EVEN for people comfortable with the label of their gender assigned at birth
Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the “Oedipus complex,” which became the foundation of modern psychology… Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of abuse his clients had revealed to him had never taken place; they were simply fantasies of events the women had wished for… This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women’s and children’s reports of mistreatment by men."
― Lundy Bancroft
read this carve it into your brains permanently etch it into your skulls r e a d t h i s
i don’t know how to deal with this
everyone is making really good points and i agree i guess i’m just struggling?
b/c idk, ‘don’t be a dude’ was like the perfect mix my gender id and my history combined with self-punishment and blaming myself for my own hurt and self-hatred?
like honestly my ideal gender situation is me transitioning physically at least t and top surgery and everyone calls me he and says i’m a dude while not treating me any differently and understanding where i’m coming from as a lady? i don’t know.
like i want to hear dude and have me and the person saying it understand lady.
like i just do not want male privilege and i understand that i have been having a lot of that from a masc perspective for a long time but i want to stay here. like i was reading a thing about trans men in the workplace and the change was staggering and the amount of do not want that is the same amount and same quality as the idea of going off t? it’s almost dysphoria?
and i feel real shitty like i’m being really offensive with these feelings or something?
fuzzyhorns made a post that said working through identity privilege is separate from identity transitioning, and i agree i think they are separate things but in my transition for me they are so mixed up. i don’t know how to be a dude and be okay with my masculinity and at the same time i’m not in a place where i can stop and consider and learn to be okay with myself i have to keep barrelling forward
idk all of the descriptions of how cat behaved felt really familiar to me from relationships i have been involved in
i guess i have internalised a lot of the ‘don’t be a dude’ and ‘kill all men’, y’know? like i’m trying to be good and me and happy but honestly the part of me that has always felt like i don’t deserve that has latched on to men are evil and it hasn’t let go, and while i am transitioning and finding myself i am also becoming a worse person. not through actions but through identity.
and i think my brain knows that is shit but it’s so everywhere and it’s so backwards?
like male privilege has made my life so much worse. and it’s not actually that it’s mental illness and cisness and misogyny-by-proxy
i was thinking about doing a thing where i post once a day a think i like or a good thing about me but i never did it because i’m scared that boys aren’t allowed to do that.
not just in the tumblr sj sense but every boy i have ever known who was even a bit vain and narcissistic and self-assured has hurt me.
i’m splitting this i know it but honestly it feels like there are people who are happy and like themselves and hurt everyone around them and then there are people who hate themselves and say sorry and help other people and get hurt by them anyway
i don’t know what this post is sorry
We are not “actually cis,” we are not “trying to be afab trans women,” we are real people with a unique set of experiences and issues.
I for one had been an nb girl for two and a half years before I’d even heard of #myc. Nobody EVER fucking insinuates that afab nb men are incoherent or invalid like they do to us.
MYC’s politics are ultimate extremely misogynistic and transphobic and put womanhood on a pedestal. She said things solely for the sake of looking like she prioritized women when in reality all she wanted to do was offer womanhood as redemptive for both afab and amab people who had an uncomfortable relationship with their assigned gender. The idea of being a non-binary afab person who identifies with womanhood doesn’t come from her, it comes from a discomfort with cisness that she often exploited, and that her politics themselves exploit, in that she used afab peoples’ fear of being seen as a man against them. Relatedly, she was a major source of all the undue fist-shaking at “afab people” that she all lumped together as transmasculine, and she only praised afab people when they were feminine enough for her approval. Yes, I as a trans woman have something in common with everyone who rejects maleness, but no, I do not feel like that needs to be incentivized in the sinister, disgusting way that MYC incentivized it, picking and choosing which identities and experiences she would deem worthy enough for her to legitimize.
Afab NB womanhood is not illegitimate and to suggest as much just because it’s okay to air grievances about MYC now is absolutely disgusting. You cannot pin everything you dislike on her, nor do you have any right to. It’s wrong anyway, her poltiics did not affirm afab nb girls, they told all afab people they were The Enemy unless and until she told them they weren’t.